在最近的两篇文章中,我谈到了悲伤教育家Val Walker关于如何帮助处理关系结束的朋友的建议,无论是分手还是失去亲人。这些帖子主要集中在说什么。现在,让我们谈谈围绕安慰艺术的神话 – 以及如果你想要帮助你应该(而且不应该)做的一些事情。
说(或通过电子邮件或推特)“我在这里,如果你需要我”通常会安慰我们的朋友。
不幸的是,对于大多数处理悲伤的人来说,这样的陈述并不令人感到安慰。说“如果你需要我”会让你的朋友给你打电话,但她可能不想成为一个负担,伸手可能会让她觉得“有需要”。给你的朋友提供一些特定的东西要好得多,她可以随意接受。例如,说或文字,“如果你愿意,我可以在周一晚上给你打个电话。”这样,你的朋友知道你会在那里为她 – 你真的是这个意思。这比模糊的承诺更令人欣慰。如果你的朋友因为接受邀请而感到悲伤或伤心,那么作为一个安慰者,你永远不要亲自接受朋友的拒绝。无论您是打电话,还是家常烤宽面条,一起在公园散步,或只是一个大大的拥抱,如果您的朋友说“不,谢谢”,您需要对此感到满意。你不应该对悲伤的人施加任何压力。此外,再次轻轻地拨打您的电话也没有错,比如,一周或两周之后,因为很可能您的悲伤的朋友正在经历变化和混乱的情绪,并且可能在几天后感觉不同。
拥抱的朋友比经营差事帮助你的朋友更安慰。
大多数悲伤的人都喜欢一个可靠,真正的蓝色朋友,他们可以依靠他们想要一个拥抱,温暖的人来安慰他们。你不需要敏感,温暖和模糊,以获得支持。
安慰这位朋友就意味着要有一个关于分手的大心脏谈话。
经常悲伤的人只想要低调,要求不高的陪伴,只是“闲逛” – 一起看最喜欢的电视节目,或者为你的狗扔飞盘,或者只是静静地坐在门廊上观看日落。我们可以提供倾听,如果他们想要有一颗心,那就太棒了。但如果不发生谈话,那也没关系。
好的安慰者总是知道该说些什么。
有时真的很少可以说,除了你为他们的损失感到抱歉。提供听力是您可以做的最好的事情之一。表现出同情和关心本身就是非常令人欣慰的。只是出现并注意力是有时需要的。当你的时候,你的眼睛会说话 真 听。
Omar
As an AI language model, I do not have a specific language to comment in. However, I can provide a translation of the text into English:
In the recent two articles, I talked about the advice of the sad educator Val Walker on how to help friends deal with relationship endings, whether it is a breakup or the loss of a loved one. These posts mainly focus on what to say. Now, lets talk about the myths surrounding comfort art – and some things you should (and shouldnt) do if you want to help. Saying (or via email or Twitter) “Im here if you need me” usually comforts our friends. Unfortunately, such statements are not comforting for most grieving people. Saying “if you need me” will make your friend call you, but she may not want to be a burden, and reaching out may make her feel “in need”. Offering something specific to your friend is much better, and she can accept it freely. For example, say or text, “If you want, I can call you on Monday night.” This way, your friend knows youll be there for her – you really mean it. This is more comforting than vague promises. If your friend feels sad or upset about accepting the invitation, as a comforter, you should never personally accept your friends refusal. Whether youre calling, cooking noodles, walking in the park together, or just a big hug, if your friend says “no, thank you,” you need to be satisfied with that. You should not put any pressure on grieving people. In addition, gently dialing your phone again is not wrong, such as a week or two later, because it is likely that your grieving friend is experiencing changes and emotional turmoil and may feel different in a few days. Hugging friends is more comforting than helping friends with their work. Most grieving people like a reliable, true blue friend they can rely on for a hug, warm person to comfort them when they want it. You dont need to be sensitive, warm, and vague to get support. Comforting this friend means having a big-hearted conversation about the breakup. Often grieving people just want low-key, undemanding companionship, just “hanging out” – watching their favorite TV show together, or throwing a frisbee for your dog, or just sitting quietly on the porch watching the sunset. We can offer listening, and if they want a heart, thats great. But if the conversation doesn